Stupidest gambling stories

We’ve all heard the greatest gambling stories: everyone is always more than willing to tell tall tales of the wild wins they’ve taken home. But people aren’t always as enthusiastic about divulging their stupid, idiotic, just plain weird or unlucky gambling stories. It is often when the stupid, unlucky or just plain eccentric gamble that we get some of the stupidest – and funniest – gambling stories of all.

Never leave the table with your cards

The first thing every punter should know before they ever think about playing cards at a bricks and mortar casino is to never leave the table with your cards.

There is an old story you hear about a woman at a Caribbean Stud Poker table. She had been at the table for the better part of an hour. At first her husband stood close by, watching the action but after some time he grew bored and drifted to a blackjack table next to the Caribbean table.

Against all odds the woman found herself holding a Royal Flush: the jackpot hand. In her giddy excitement she let slip with a little squeal before running around to her husband at the blackjack table next to her to show him the winning hand.

She returned back to her seat at the Caribbean table only to find that she was no longer eligible for her couple of hundred thousand dollar jackpot because she stepped away from the table with her cards. Stepping away from any gaming table with cards voids your hand.

You can always avoid running this risk by just playing Caribbean Stud online.

Hitting past 17 in blackjack isn’t a good idea

We’ve all heard this story but it’s hard to believe there are people stupid enough to actually do it until you see it for yourself.

One night though, sitting at a blackjack table one person short of being full, I witnessed it for the first and hopefully the last time.

He sauntered up to the table like an enigma looking like a 30 year old virgin. He was wearing an Avengers t-shirt, long before there was ever an Avengers movie. We who were already at the table had some hefty bets on the table.

On the first hand our new friend, the numb-nuts, had a 16 against the dealer’s five. He hit. No alarm bells there. Many people hit on 16 against a five. But it was the next hand when things went awry. The dealer had a seven and our friend, numb-nuts, had a two card total of 20. When it came time for him to wave he sat there, truly scrutinizing his cards. He asked the table if he should split them. “NO!” we screamed. He nodded in agreement. “I’ll just take a card then please,” he said

The rest of us at the table nearly fell off our seats. The dealer was stunned and asked numb-nuts if he was sure. The rest of us at the table started screaming at him, “No!” But he didn’t listen, he tapped the table again with a daft grin on his face. He pulled a picture and busted. The dealer went on to make 21. We all lost.

Numb-nuts just turned to us all and said “I thought it would be an Ace.”

Being drunk

Being drunk is no excuse for stupidity but they do seem to go hand in hand quite often.

There’s always the story of the drunkard who lazily throws a chip on the baccarat lay-out, thinking it to be $25 chip, but it is in fact a $500 chip. Being drunk he gets caught up in conversation with the people around him and doesn’t notice that his bet has won six times in a row earning him $32,000. He turns back just in time to see his $32,000 get taken away because he lost the seventh game.

Again this sort of stupidity can be avoided by:

a) not being drunk, or

b) playing online because games don’t continue without your say-so.

Funnily enough, being drunk can also lead into the next story…

Wear shoes at a gaming table

This is a grotesque possibility when having a punt in a bricks and mortar casino. Always wear shoes because some people get locked in a run of good luck and tend to dismiss any call they may receive: even if it’s from nature.

Every casino worker has either personally experienced or know someone who has had to deal with a punter that has gone number one or number two under the table or on another player’s shoe.

Fear and panic hits about the same time as the vile odour. Don’t become another stupid story.

Good luck!